Nothing in this life is certain… boy is that the truth! Thankfully I can hold on to the hope that God is my provider and knows my needs even before I ask. Figuring out this new phase of my life has been fun, challenging, hard, and – at times – sad. It’s not easy coming from a family of 9 to a house in the woods with a man and a dog. Granted this isn’t just any man or dog I’m talking about, but no matter what, change is always difficult. It has its enjoyable moments as well, don’t get me wrong. I have learned to enjoy a nice peaceful home and find joy in “setting up house”. The other day, I was feeling down; like I wasn’t really providing much for the family and Jared told me that I keep the house in much better shape than he has or ever will be able to and that I’m great at what I do. Sounds silly, but it really helped boost my self-esteem and I don’t doubt that what I do is important even if it seems as simple as washing the dishes or scrubbing the toilet. It’s my part to give at this point so I’m going to do it to the best of my ability.
Granted there are days where I just don’t want to do anything. It’s hard to fight laziness when your husband is off at work. Thankfully, mine gets to work from home every so often and it helps keep me motivated knowing he’s in the other room working too. As for when he isn’t home, I want to have something to show for what I did with my day. Sometimes it’s not “seeable” but I can tell him and take pride in that I am doing something with my life rather than moping and waiting for life to “happen to me”. Marriage doesn’t allow for pity parties. Sure, you can squeeze one in, but that usually means it’s squeezing your spouse out. The last thing I want to do is push Jared away. I need him to encourage me as I apply for jobs, stand beside me, love me, and (especially) to remind me of God’s promises.
We have been around each other a lot lately, but it’s been good. I saw him in the Word the other day and made sure to make some time for that myself. Last week I started working out (finally stopped just complaining about marital weight gain and did something about it) and Jared decided he was going to start getting back into shape with me. I love the challenges we silently throw at one another. They’re not intended, so don’t think I’m saying “your husband isn’t reading the Bible?! Well take yours out and he’ll magically start to read too!” Your heart and mind have to be in the right place. But these “silent challenges” have been good and are making us better people and a stronger couple. I hope this post isn’t too all over the place… just felt like sharing what’s been on my heart lately.