Friday, March 29, 2013

What Does Normal Look Like?

As Jared and I have gone through some of the most trying times of our lives since we've been married (moving, changing jobs, church planting,etc)  nothing could have prepared us for the loss of our child. It has now been almost 3 months since our precious little one went to be with the Father. At the start of the grieving process, I contemplated quitting my job and was glad when I finished my 2 weeks notice. I prayed for a low stress job and ended up landing a delivery gig for a local florist. I am currently only allowed to do arrangements for the owners of deceased pets (it's okay to laugh)- among other things, but I will be moving up as my skill level increases! I am so thankful for this job, but in it I have begun to wrestle with delivering flowers to funeral homes. At first, it didn't bother me. But with Easter coming up, I am reminded that God knows our pain of losing our only child, I have been thinking about how our own child may never be remembered the way others who lived long lives do.

Now, I don't want you to think I am writing this to get sympathy or flowers or what have you. No, I am writing this because of how culture tends to see miscarriages. There is usually a condolence given and then nothing more. I'm not sure if it's because no one knows how to handle the loss of a person that was never "born" or if women are holding themselves responsible and thus grieve behind closed doors - ashamed to tell others that they couldn't bring forth life. It's a hard one to sort out. And each woman has her own way of grieving, just as each person has their own way of showing sympathy.

But I urge you. Don't forget them! The mother and the father are still trying to find what that normal in their lives should look like. This precious gift that was given to them and taken too soon was loved just as much as any other child they may have. So think on those who have had a miscarriage. Whether it was recently or years ago. Write them a note. Send them a letter. DO SOMETHING   to let them know you recognize their child. Last night, I came home to find a gift on my back door step. Inside was a beautiful blanket and 3 cards. 3 couples wanted to remind us that they were praying for us and show us they cared, knowing that we were still trying to grasp this new reality without our baby. Today as I sat wrapped in that blanket, I prayed for these couples that God would bless them more than they had Jared and me.

My own mother had 4 miscarriages. 3 were fairly close together and a friend wrote a beautiful poem/letter to my mother as if it were written by her children. This was framed and hung in the hallway for all to see. I remember reading it many times as I grew up. Mary, Joseph, Faith, and Isaiah were all remembered in our house.

What I am asking of you is please not to forget those children lost to a miscarriage. Reach out to the moms and dads.

p.s. Celebrating the life that was is helpful too. See where the mother is at, and let them dwell on how big their child would be now. Give them a place to share their joy along with their pain. 

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